Thursday, June 01, 2006

Happiness, Thy Name Is Bugspray. Or, The Eyebrowless Wonder.

The sight of Weaver appearing this time is quite a different one. She's wearing a long black lace skirt that swirls around her legs while she walks, complimented by a shorter dress over the top, patterned with orange designs and flowers. Her hair is a blue so dark it appears black. The innumerable silver rings lining both of her ears stand out a stark silver against the darkness of her hair. But perhaps most strange of all, instead of the dark eyebrows usually present above her eyes, there is a pattern of swirling dark lines imitating and mocking the absent hair.

Voice: While curious, I'm also almost afraid to ask what your newfound appearance has to do with bugspray.

Weaver: As it turns out, absolutely nothing. I just happened to be at the mercy of a million bugs when I began writing this entry, and retaliated by coating myself from head to toe in heavy duty Off!, thus happiness. Of course, since I am no longer outside, having been forced to return Brian's laptop to him so that he could (horror of horrors!) work, it's no longer relevant.

Voice: Moving on, then. Although I think that the new look is definitely a nice one, I must ask the reason for the sudden change. It has something to do with the previous crappy mood?

Weaver: Don't assume. Ass and all that. And partly. It was more of a spur-of-the-moment thing. Of course, the dye was over two years old and I've never permanently died my hair a dark colour before... so I didn't know that black dye isn't actually black. I was afraid the dye had expired or something and was going to turn my hair green. Then I considered it to be an interesting prospect, and waited a while longer. Boy, did it work.

Voice: And the eyebrows...?

Weaver: Oh. Those came yesterday. See, I'm sure I've talked about Dallis and all that.

Music plays.

"...Some things you lose, and some things you just give away..."

Weaver: Jack Off Jill's "Strawberry Gashes".

Er... That made no sense to that majority of you, I'm sure. Ask me about it and I'll tell you.

Maybe.

Voice: Can I ask?

Weaver: No. You already know.

Voice: Of course I don't-- Oh.

Weaver: See?

Voice: Yes, yes. Go on.

Weaver: Okay. So now those of you who aren't banging your head against the wall in confusion all know who Dallis is. Dallis is, well... he's strange. And apt to do stranger things when bored. Like shave off half of his goatee, moustache, and both of his eyebrows. And then, when he realizes what he's done, he laughs it off. Lucky dude. Anyways, so he asked me to let him shave off my eyebrows. I shrugged and agreed, figuring he'd forget by the next day.

Voice: I've heard this scenario before.

Weaver: Don't rub it in. As you may have guessed, he showed up at the cafeteria the next day with his face fully shaved (the whole half-half thing wasn't working). He looked like a creepy demon, because his hair is black and really thick, and it framed his hairless face, emphasizing the whole dealio. Not unattractive. Just creepy.

Voice: Back to the whole moustache thing. Errr... wait. Eyebrow thing. Eyebrow.

Weaver: Indeed. Back to the whole eyebrow thing. So he was fully prepared, complete with men's shaving cream and posse of girls that follows him around. I was cornered... And besides, what was the harm? They'd grow back. So off to the girl's changing room we went. And less than three minutes later, I was eyebrowless... and surprisingly not that different-looking. As I grabbed my handy-dandy kohl pencil from my bag--

Voice: You attempted to draw on new eyebrows and instead gave yourself a permanently suprised/angry look?

Weaver: Hardy har har. No. In fact, I did the same thing I did now (albeit a different pattern). I didn't attempt to mimic normal eyebrows. Instead, I drew pretty lace designs where they used to be. Actually, not all that many people have noticed.

Voice: Not that many people have chosen to comment to your face, you mean.

Weaver: Same difference. There are only a few people whose opinions matter, anyways.

Voice: One of whom is your mother. How did she react?

Weaver: Oh, she hated it on sight. Told me so, too. Said I looked ridiculous and stupid and she didn't like it and although it's my face and she can't control what I do to it, she "suggested" that I never ever ever ever do it again. Also, they apparently might not grow back. As is disputed by the stubble I already have.

Voice: For the record, I like it. But are you going to take her 'advice'?

Weaver: Er... I know she will read this... But no. I like it a lot. I'm going to experiment with different looks and different eye pencils. Perhaps liquid and such, so that it doesn't come off so easily.

Voice: Interesting idea. But what about when you don't have the time or inclination to do up your face in the morning?

Weaver: Since I lost my favorite pair of glasses, I have to put in my contacts every morning anyways. It's not much different than that. Besides, this morning I woke up ten minutes before my bus and still managed to do both and make it on time. It's not exactly a time-consuming manoevre.

Voice: If you say so. I can't say anything, I suppose. I have no eyebrows.

Weaver: Exactly, so shut yer yap!

Voice: Not likely. In other news...?

Weaver: Ah, yes. Time to turn the conversation, regrettably, away from myself.

Voice: *quietly* Finally.

Weaver: I heard that!

Anyways. So the day of my last post was also a very special day, although not for me.

Voice: Aha. So you did rig those ducks!

Weaver: Er... No. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. No, yesterday was the day that 70 kids in my school shaved their head for cancer.

Voice: Anyone we know?

Weaver: At least one... No other than... Tristan!

Voice: And you didn't mention this Tuesday... why?

Weaver: Because I was too wrapped up in myself to care.

Voice: Wow. Nice.

Weaver: It wasn't first and foremost in my mind, okay? But now I get to rant and give him and the others the credit they deserve. Shaving your head is frigging harder than it sounds! Hair represents power in many ways, and we don't realize how attached we are to it. Also, it's not a one-day thing. You have to watch it grow back. Slowly. It may take years to get it to the length it was before. It changes your appearance completely.

Voice: So I take it the SK isn't the awesome manly man he was before the shaving?

Weaver: Actually, he was quite pleased to have it shaved off. It was getting long and bugging him.

Voice: He's a special one, alright.

Weaver: Special indeed. And while I liked it better long, it is awfully soft now... Not that I've had the oppurtunity to rub my cheek against it yet. Lack of a private setting and all. Even right after it was done, I only got one quick rub before he went off to do whatever it is that boys do after they lose all of their hair. Pity, though. Can't wait.

Voice:
Back to the whole "For Cancer" part. How much did he raise?

Weaver: I'm not sure how much he raised specifically (perhaps he can comment and enlighten us once he undoubtedly reads this), but the school in total raised about 67... thousand. Wow. That's like three or four times what they were hoping. Keira (remember her?), Kathleeen O'Gorman, and Ben (I cried when they turned on the razor... all that gorgeous hair...) also did it. but most shocking of alll...

Voice: Who?

Weaver: David Benson. Yes, he of the long, flowing blond curls. He who, one would think, would be least likely to give a shit about cancer. Him, I didn't merely cry when the razor bit into all the hair. I clutched at Blair and Sam, and stared in horrified fascination and lamentation as all of that beautiful stoner hair fell, lock by lock, to the ground.

Voice: How did he feel about it?

Weaver: Ha. He was stoned off his ass. Didn't give a shit. Said it went to a good cause. He's a pretty prozaic guy. Nothing really fazes him, and that's before the drugs. But in any case, he's still an awesome dude, and I can still barely look at his bald head without flinching.

Voice: At least it went to a good cause.

Weaver: Good cause my ass. I would have donated that amount just to see him keep his hair.

Well... maybe not.

Voice: Didn't think so.

Weaver: Moving on. I'm quite proud of all the wonderful people who gave their hair. Some people had hair down to their backs (like Benson but not as thick or curly) or longer. Alicia and Jordan, the two chicks who organized the whole thing, both look amazing with short hair. They didn't quite get shaved bald, just cut to about a centimeter. Even one of the hairdressers who volunteered their services got hers shaved before we started. Miz Burns, my Drama teacher, who had blond curls almost as luxurious as Benson's, got hers done too. She too only has it cut short (since she missed the actual event, being in Toronto and all). I'm not sure whether it's gonna end up shaved proper.

Voice: Any other interesting shavings?

Weaver: *smiles mischieviously* I wouldn't say shaved, per say. But a couple of male teachers did get people to donate... but it wasn't the hair on their head they were volunteering.

Voice: Please, please don't say what I think you might.

Weaver: No, nothing R-rated. Their legs, it was. Waxed. By anyone willing to pay.

Voice: Wow.

Weaver: They screamed like little girls when it happened.

Voice: I'm sure they raised a lot of money, though.

Weaver: Ooodles and oodles. Wouldn't you pay to wax a teacher's leg? I sure as hell would.

Voice: And that is a beautiful note to end this conversation on, wouldn't you say?

Weaver: Oooh. Got a hot date to run to?

Voice: And who would you propose that I date? That hot cloud over there?

Weaver: *defensively* Hey! You never know!

Lah.

MistWeaver.

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