Emotion.

If there's one thing that I understand, it's emotion. The immersiveness of them, the ups, downs, lows and pure feelings. Of course, sometimes I'm a little too close to them... Other peoples', especially. The mind is a powerful thing. It can convince people of anything, and once a person is convinced of something it's not difficult to manifest it into actual reality, especially when it is a personal reality.

This makes the topic of emotion a very slippery one. If you convince yourself that you have an emotion and thus cause yourself to feel it, is it still as valid as one that takes you by surprise? If you get so caught up in the thinking of things that you forget to stop thinking and experience, are your thoughts really worth it?

All things considered and all things that I've done, I've never REALLY bad tripped before. Little bad trips, I've suffered through alone. I think the overall lack of bad tripping is because I spend so much time worrying in my head when I'm sober that I do drugs to slow down the brain's overacting instead of speed it up. And bad tripping is an ultimate example of the brain's power and how it can affect your reality.

But let's get off of that for a moment, because I'm, as usual, limited for time. Let's go back to the validity of convincing oneself of an emotion. Like bad tripping, the emotion is no less valid for being contrived. Is thinking yourself into it really any different from those that fling themselves headlong into emotions? And what effect does being aware of it cause?

I've been feeling a downward spiral of my own into emotion for the past few weeks. It's a combination of thoughts and occasional spikes. And the fact that I know the downward spiral is being reciprocated means feeding into each other, as well. Part of me wants to say "No! Too fast! Back it up Sayata, you're just talking yourself into it!" But the truth is, I do understand emotion, and there is no problem with loving freely and openly. We turn it into such a big thing, almost to be feared. "No, I can't say that. No, I can't feel that. It must be wrong." But my honesty policy extends to myself, too. There's no reason why there has to be an only love that freezes out all others, and no reason why a love for a partner must exceed a love for a family member or close friend. And there's no reason why one aspect of love must make others, including previous ones, less valid.

But I do have to say... Why are you seeing fit to hit me in the face repeatedly with Love, Goddess? Not that I'm ungrateful. And I do try to put a lot out in the world, so maybe it's coming back to me, in which case thanks! But really... my poor heart feels like it's getting smacked around like a baseball and exploding with all these constant feelings. Thank God they're mostly good, but yesterday was painful! Very painful!

Lah.