Still Floating

I don't know if I've mentioned what summer is like for me. Summer is when I truly learn the lesson of Time. Humans created time, but what humans create isn't always the right or true thing. A minute is not always the same amount of time. The world is created by your senses, yes? Well wouldn't you say that according to your senses, time can fly, or crawl? And I mean literally do so, not just 'feel' like it. Because, of course, if you feel it in all your senses, it's essentially real for you.

Okay. Now that I've lost you completely, let's move on to how this relates to me and summer.

During the school year, I'm--we're--forced to live on the notion of time we're brought up with. Minutes, hours, days, weeks. Everything is scheduled and you're forced to at least have a minimal amount of groundedness. During the summer, though... all bets are off. I float through life during the summer, uncaring of the usual boundaries like time and distance. Even though I work regurlarly, the days and shifts blur together and cease to matter. Things float to me, and float away. Somehow, the things that are scheduled don't interfere with this.

I wish that I could float like this during the school year. It cuts down enormously on the day-to-day complications that cause us to die young of heart attacks and high blood pressure. Of course, it means that days off don't mean so much because they blur into the workdays, but it also means that even if I work everyday, it takes much more to bug me out. Being burnt out is not a cumulative thing like this, it's a random thing. And like I said, that has its ups and downs.

Since I sleep when I'm tired and wake up when I'm not (barring work, naturally), I'm not limited by normal 'business hours'. Everything can be done immediately, and everything can wait until tomorrow if it can't. I can go almost a month without updating my blog and even though mountains have changed, it's still like no time has passed.

Am I making sense? I don't know. I just feel the need to write, to express. To put down in words this floating time for later, as I used to do when I kept constant paper journals instead of the thought-jotting that suits me better now.

Let's talk about work, since I rarely do. I think that the reason that--although work has been a large part of my lfie for almost a year--I almost never talk about it is that it's such a confined thing. It's like another life that doesn't interfere with my everyday life. But now, with the golf course, the lines are blurring like the time does. I like it when Derick drives me home, and I actually talk about my life at work. I open up a little. Blair's started working at the course and will hopefully last there, so that's another line crossed. Working with a good friend is amazing. The occasional clicks that happen with me and coworkers are constant with me and Blair, so laughter fills the kitchen. It's a strange bridge though... at work even with my occasional clicks I can turn off and work like a mofo if needed... with Blair, of course, I can never 'turn off' because it's a free flow between us and not an occasional rush.

Speaking of Blair... My MSN list (for those who don't know this) is divided into many sections... and you can define my relationship with people by the section they're in. Some change often, as I float forward and backward from them. Lately Davo's been uber Meg-oriented and we've been drifting apart because there's only so much about one girl you can hear. But I still listen, as he still listens to me, and therefore he still remains one of the very very few in the Great Friends category. When Blair came over recently, she demanded she be changed to the Family category... before, the only non-relative in there was Inga. And I did, and meant it. Maybe we're not Sisters like Inga and I are Sisters, but something feels right about putting her there. Maybe one day we will be.

Back to the work topic.

One should never wish to grow up too fast, I've found. Childhood and even teenhood are often the last truly free periods in your life, and even if they aren't they're still periods in time that you will never return to. I'm trying to enjoy everything in my life as it happens, and as myself (at my age, my sex/looks/whatever)... but I feel like I'm not living to my full potential. Like, my mental/physical/whatever state is years ahead of my living situation and other material qualities. And believe me, though this may sound a tad pretentious... I'd love to be at the same mental state as my friends. When your biggest concerns are dating and school and shit like that.

A loud bell tolls somewhere in the distance.

Oh, joy. Business calls. Must run. Will finish little rant later, possibly.

Green Growing Things

A soft rain
Softer green grass
Laying among the Life,
the Love, the Harmony

Walk with me here, Love
Feel the rain on our skin
See the natural wonders
Of this world we live in

Lie with me here, Love
The dirt beneath the pads
of your fingers
Feel the wind through the leaves
The scent that still lingers

Look up with me here, Love
See the clouds, the grey
of the sky
Realize this is what
We were meant for and why

Stay with me here, Love
Away from humans
and their lies
Among the Green Growing Things
We'll stay here, live
and die.

--

Still needs work, but I like it.