PENS!!!!

PENSPENSPENSPENSPENSPENSPENSPENSPENS

I love pens. I lose my black pen in Skye or Edinburgh (or perhaps in between the two) and have been dissatisfied ever since. I finally forked over a pound 50 for two pens that promised to be ‘smooth’, but was sorely disappointed when it turned out to be thick and wet... Okay, but just as dissatisfying as a blue pen. Grr... But then I found a cup full of pens on the bar, and ALL BUT ONE are BLACK!!! GOOD BLACK!!! And one is almost the double of the one I lost.

-swoons-

Yeah, so I’m odd.

Lah.

...That Daring Young Woman Screaming On the Flying Trapeze.

I am now an official Ape. I have the certificate to prove it.

Heh, Blair and I just finished the Go Ape! Experience, doing various heart-dislocating crossings, jumps, and swings through the canopies of huge old tree.

Definitely made this whole Lake District thing worth it. I’m now chilling, listening to music on the way back, trying to ignore my raging nausea in the car.

I’m not sure why I’m so ill: hunger probably, since I haven’t eaten for several hours and the adrenaline during the whole treetops thing kept me from feeling any hunger until now.

Ah, the adrenaline. Ah, the treetops. We had harnesses attaching us to cables the entire winding, up-and-down way, and we were constantly unclipping and reclipping ourselves—very careful, because our lives depended on it—to the various cables everywhere.

Holy cow. Majour random displaced feeling. I just remembered a ‘dream’ I had recently, and by dream I mean alternate reality. Something happened and we had to go home halfway through the trip. It’s so disjointed and mismatched I can’t really explain it (although I’m wondering if it’s the same night as the one with Kell and the Chinese food), but I just remember images, feelings so clearly it feels certain it happened, and I know in the ‘dream world’ days, even weeks passed during that one night of 'sleep'.

Yikes.

And now, I’m waiting for room in the kitchen so I can feed myself.

ERG GET OUT!!!

Bleah. I hate the way Anne takes everything over.

Anyways, the Go Ape thing. It was about three hours long (3 exciting hours) and the two scariest bits were the first zipline (stepping out into open air that first time is a doozy... and you take that step, and bounce on air, moving slowly... and it’s not so bad.. until you speed up and flail and scream because you’re so completely out of control—or feel it), and the Tarzan jump, which was humoungus and terrifying and involved a few seconds of freefall before flying headlong into a rope net, which you then have to climb onto yet another tree-ledge, trusting your life to that harness the entire time.

Yeekazoids.

And the whole thing is designed in ways that don’t harm the trees or impede their growth or even dig into them. And there’s pro-ecological and pro-trees signs everywhere.

And all of this for 25 pounds. Frigging awesome.

Tomorrow is our last day already. And we’ve done nothing blessed nothing for the past couple of days. Tomorrow is Hadrian’s Wall, ancient artefact and such, but I don’t really want to go and I’ve chosen not to. I figure being crushed and stressed in the car all day for something I don’t especially want to see wouldn’t be a good use of my last day. I’d rather take the time to be alone maybe go for a walk, and enjoy the Lake District before we go.

I feel a bit guilty about not having done anything this past week but chill and be bitchy, but I think going tomorrow would just make me bitchier for the days to come.

Lah.

The Story of Buddy

Let me tell you the story of Buddy. Most children have either had a Buddy or known a friend with Buddy.

Buddy is friendly-looking doll, often with a welcoming smile and big (usually blue) eyes that gaze innocently forward and that attempt to hide the fact that Buddy is PURE EVIL.

You may have heard of a rather well-known cousin of Buddy, Chucky.

Now, nobody truly knows what it is that makes these dolls so evil. Perhaps some, like Chucky, are possessed. Perhaps some are the result of juju, perhaps they have been in the possession of a less-than-stellar-hearted child. But there are a few things that all of these dolls hold in common, whatever teh cause.

The first is the inability to get rid of them. Garage sales, hiding him in closets, throwing him away... somehow he always turns up, grinning as brilliantly as ever, and as sinfully as ever.
Second is the wicked aura. You can't quite place it, but there’s something wrong about him. Something that makes you shiver involuntarily, something that causes dishes to break, people to trip, the dog to bark.

Buddy happens to be Blair and Ross’ evil doll. From before they moved to Ontario he has terrorized them, evading all attempts to dispose of him and spreading his evil charm everywhere. From the time Ross and Blair can remember, he’s been there, and since roughly a week after 5-year old Ross received him as a well-intentioned gift, the two of them have feared him and have been trying to get rid of him.

Even when they most recently moved, he was left behind in the old house only to reappear (ever-smiling) in the spare room.

Blair was explaining Buddy to the Ladies over coffee. Anne was also there, listening with an indulgent smile on her face as Blair expounded the longstanding reign of terror the doll has had over her and her brother. And, as Blair turned to her for confirmation of her description, she exclaimed:

“I thought Ross loved that doll! I’ve been bringing him everywhere and I always make sure to put him on Ross’ bed for when he comes home. Whoops!”

-dies laughing-

Oh my God, no wonder he’s so terrorized every time.

Simple (albeit very longstanding) misunderstanding?

Or has the doll been subtly influencing? Controlling, even?

I’ll let you decide.

Oh, and if your Buddy happens to be a ginger, BURN HIM!!! BURNNNN HIMMMMM!!!!! Don’t even risk it!!!

Lah.

The Kava Kava Files, Continued.

Ah, joy. Yet another pub with the exact same selection of food that the last million pubs had. Whee. And it was the very first place at the very edge of the first town we hit, so it's not even GOOD pub food. And of course we're entirely ignored in favour of the two older Ladies. Which is okay, they deserve respect and such, but we're viewed by Anne (and yet not by them) as two silly little children with no say in anything.

Whee.

I really like Joan and Isobel. It's Anne who's pissing me off. She's just become more of everything with her mum around. Stab. Stabstabstabstabstabstabstab.

And she woke me out of a really good dream and a really good sleep by tickling my foot. Which I despise and is possibly one of the worst possible ways to wake ANYONE up. But even though all I wanted to do was kick her in the face, tell her to eff off and go back to sleep, I'm sure she wouldn't have given a crap about either of us being hungry when she got back from shopping and we woke up, so it was come or starve. And I was really hoping for the excellent Chinese food place that’s supposed to be only a mile up from the shitty pub we’re in.

Bah. I’m going home and locking myself up somewhere alone. Please take me with you, I’ll try not to be a nuisance.

The dream I was having was a typically messed up one for me (meaning alternate-reality type), but I was just cuddling Kell when I woke up. I had just gotten back (like three days ago) and hadn’t seen him yet. Michelle randomly dropped him off with three huge bags of Chinese Food (wow, eh? –drools-) and even though I was super happy to see him, there was something up. And we were in the living room with the whole family cuddled watching a movie or something, so I curled in next to him and we were just about to work out whatever the problem was when...

tickletickletickle GOOD MORNING!!!

Anne. Loud, annoying, snide Anne. She must have been a horrible know-it-all as a child and while younger, because she still is now under the guise of age. She can’t take anything that disagrees while her mum’s around she just listens to what you say and tells you ‘that’s nice; you’re wrong.’

I want to eat GOOD FOOD again. And that excludes the crap she cooks. STABSTABSTABSTAB

Pop pop puff puff whee!

Blair has lost her mind and is only barely holding onto the fringes of sanity. If she could, she’d be rolling in the grass giggling manically.

Lah.

Pink is Blair.

Family and Prettiness.

The Lake District. Nothing special and yet, pretty and peaceful. We ended up skipping Lindisfarne (the true home of the cannibalistic monks, not St Mike’s Mount) and came straight here from Rosslyn. We’re sharing the (nice large) cabin with Blair’s Granny and her friend, both of whom I like so far.

The drive was meh as expected, stressful as ever but okay due to my ever-present friend Kava Kava, music, and sleeping. Like I said though, it’s peaceful here, humid and warm. I don’t know if we have any specific purpose in being here: I almost hope not because I just want to chill and avoid people. I’m just so tired, body mind and soul.

We watched The Beach earlier: excellent, excellent, excellent. Leo diCaprio will never be my favourite person but he’ll always be an amazing actor. It was one of those rollercoaster movies, leading you around by your heart. He was CRAZY! Not a heartthrob, CRAZY!!

Luckily, after we turned it off, Life or Something Like It was on, which I haven't seen for years and was just as (or at least had somewhat as much, this late at night) emotion, but with the bonus of knowing there's a happy ending, which I needed. I really needed the happy feel-good shit to chill me out and send me to sleep with, especially since even knowing she lives it's intense.

You know, I'm really lucky to have the people around me in my family. Al the laughter and freedom and happiness, all those moments where we're ourselves and we accept each other. Even Kell and I, we have our problems but in the end we accept one and other complete with faults and I wouldn't trade it.

I think about how much I miss my family now and I think of how much I'll miss them when I'm gone to Van. I wanna make sure the little time in between is as awesome as it gets. And I keep forgetting to include Christian in the family because he tries to be quiet, but it's him too.

All of them... I love them.

Although right now, certain parts of me are informing me the miss a certain aspect of my relations with Kell most.

Heh.

Lah.

Pink is Blair.

The Fayre Rosslyn

Here I sit in Rosslyn. Outside the Chapel but on the grounds, in a tree. It’s very pretty but very busy, and the words on everyone’s lips are “Dan Brown” (with every accent and in every language imaginable), even years later. It’s peaceful here on the grounds; I like it. It gives my tired soul a rest. The chapel is on two intersecting ley lines, apparently... but then they often are.

The inside is absolutely chock-full of awesome carvings. I would never have made them out though if not for the handy pancartes explaining everything.

Goddess bless me and those around me, especially those whom I love and who love me. Grant them love, peace and harmony, strength when it’s needed and that which will give them the best life, and the best life for our relationships.

As I will, so mote it be.

I love you, all of you, and you too Goddess.

Blessed be.

Lah.

Blair Castle

Blair Castle is very Blair-like compared to all the other ruins and castles we’re seen. If I were allowed to take pictures, the thing I’d most want a picture of would be the bayonet tips formed into the shape of stars around the targes (round shields).

Luckily, Blair Castle took my mind off of the bad things that have been tearing me apart since this morning. Too bad it didn’t really put me in a better mood. It was much better than St Mike’s Mount, but there was no power there other than the power of history. Some rooms had bad vibes; one so yucky that I didn’t even go in. It was big, too, and you get to see most of the rooms. All the furniture, portraits, and tapestries are authentic and roped off for the actual safety of the pieces as opposed to foolishness.

Yay Blair Castle! Messa gonna get married there and you’ll come and take those pictures of the bayonet stars.

Lah.

Pink is Blair.

Taking Our Leave

*sigh* I love this. It’s so pretty here.

We’re on our way out of the Highlands and down South and East to Blair Castle and then to Edinburgh. I’m watching the mist and mountains and streams pass by the windows and all the pretty things while Anne gives up the history of the monarchy and parliament in England. It’s really interesting but if I tried to retain it all my head would probably expode. In fact, I’m surprised her head doesn’t explode from all the history contained in her skull.

Wow, surprisingly few rulers in England have actually been English, as opposed to Welsh, Danish, Scots, etc. Huh.

And we’ll be in Edinburgh for Saturday night! Pubs, clubs, bars! That don’t close at 11! Gods, it’ll be awesome. We’re only in Edinburgh for 2 nights, but hey. Better than Castleton, and still in Scotland! Although not in the highlands, unfortunately. Ah well, at least Blair Castle is, so we’ll have a little more time here.

I really love the Highlands, and the Gaellic language is so pretty, although too harsh for my tongue. Not even harsh, just odd. Ach aye bonny wee lass o’er thar with the heeland coos.

I prefer the ocean in Mullion to the ocean we’ve seen in Skye and Scotland. The staidness of the lochs and inlets and softly lapping waves doesn’t compare to the crashing in Cornwall. Then again, the cliffs don’t beat the misty crystal mountains and streams constantly falling down. Pity that it’s all mild (yay!) but never really hot.

But it’s all gorgeous!

Lah.

Pink is Blair.

Flying Through the Air With The Greatest of Ease

Whee, what an excellent day!

First of all, yesterday I had the house to myself for the morning, so that chilled me out considerably. Then, on the boat tour we did, I meditated at the loch and asked the goddess to let go of my anger and bitterness.

And I did!

This morn I had a nice long chat with Anne and cleared up a lot of shit, which helped clear my heart as well. We went to Fort William, and finally took the Ferry! It was funky, a huge one like the one Kell and me took to Bowen Island. Oh, and I splurged outrageously and spent 10 pounds on a teeny tank top at an awesome shop next to where the ferry picked us up.

Our trip to Fort William had two purposes: one, Anne found a really nice house and wants to possibly buy it and move here (I love the house and it’s got oodles of property including a barrow on it), so she had to talk to the solicitor about the nitty gritty details.

Two, there’s an awesome hike to these falls in Glen Nevis (Valley of DEATH... or... you know... whatever Nevis means) that involves a cable rope bridge over a river. And when i say ‘cable’, I mean a single cable, with two other cables on either side to hang onto.

It didn’t look too bad. I mean, I expected it to be over like a gorge, not just ten or twenty feet over a river. But that’s still high enough.

I went first. It was AWESOME!!

Yeah, I’m weird. But I loved it. It was only slightly (?!?) terrifying, and just barely that. Then again, I’d spent the hike meditating and charging myself with the elements. Also, there was oodles of quartz sunk into everything. Let’s not forget that the mountains here (unlike the limestone Rockies) are all made of quartz. Uber amplifiers, anyone? I also had a huge chunk I picked up in my bag with me.

So maybe I was a little high on power.

Although the first time the cable started swinging did make me a little nervous until I focused on it to stop.

Typically, even though it was Blair insisting that we go there in the first place, two steps in she started squealing and freaking out and changing her mind. I goaded her halfway across and by then it was too late to change her mind.

Anne couldn’t get onto the cable at all. See, you kinda have to lift yourself up; there’s no step or ladder. So I went back across and helped her by giving her a knee up.

She did well until the cable started shaking and swaying as it always does near the middle, and then she slowed a little.

Then, in the blink of an eye her feet were gone, and she was frozen in midair for a moment—long enough to wonder if she’d hang there by her arms or even fly—then she was falling, the shock on her face almost comical as she broke the surface and sank. The river looked shallow, enough that I wondered whether she’d hurt herself on the rocks, but it was deep enough, about 12 feet from her reckoning.

She swam towards me, gasping ‘cold’ over and over. It was a dark misty, rainy cool day to begin with, and it was after five when we started the over-a-mile hike, so the water must have been freezing. After I helped her ashore she was okay, except for the cold, and we had nothing to give her clothes-wise that would fit.

To make the rest of the long story short, because my fingers are cramped and I’m exhausted, after we’d ascertained her okayness, Blair waded across a shallow part in the river back and stayed with her Mama while I went back again across the bridge and did the final bit to the waterfall, where I meditated a bit more and dunked my head—this was my plan all along but Anne’s fall gave me courage to actually dunk a few times—before rejoining them. Everyone was still in remarkably good spirits, and we all made our three-person-ed way back together, one in front and one in back of Anne to help her back over the steep up-and-down hike.

Luckily, when we got back to the car the electronic car key still worked. And luckily, she had just given me back my camera before she crossed, so only her cheap one got soaked.

Thank god she didn’t bring her uber expensive one!!

I was impressed, overall. The way wasn’t easy, but she made it despite everything, with only the occasional hand up or down and only a single break or two.

And everyone managed to stay happy.

Goddess bless.

Lah.

Sheep Roadblock!!

Oh, yay! We’re in the equivalent of the Highlands of Skye. Meaning in the mountains, with the cliffs and waterfalls running over the rocks and uber crystals. Mm, this is the part I love.

You know, idling bugs me. I don’t know whether it’s the waste in gas or the wear on the enrivonment, but it really bugs me and has ever since I started driving. And Anne always idles the car, for whatever reason. Maybe because she’s used to the Prius. I subtly brought it up and she was like “oh yeah I know, I hate it when people idle! I ALWAYS turn my car off.”

-twitches-

I dunno why it bugs me so much more these days than usual. Could be that we’re always in the car and she stops so frequently to read maps and such. Could be just another of those little irritations that blow so much out of proportion because I’m so utterly sick of her presence... like her constant (awkward, uncomfortable) laughter or a million other tiny insignificant things.
I’ve admitted their true insignificance to myself, but they continue to get to me, so my new technique is turning up my music and tuning it all out.

It’s the only way to preserve my sanity for the next few weeks. Still a month to go.

Everything’s got a price. And maybe it’s some sort of sign that as I write this, the two last times she stopped, she turned off the car immediately both times.

Yay!!!

This is what I’ve been reduced to.

Lah.

Pink is Blair.