A Break Before Bed.

Ah, exam season. Such a combination of lag and stress. But I've had many exam seasons over the years and I fancy myself slightly used to it. It helps that I have all these moments of detente with Daniel and that I have Mama and a support group. I'm part of the Village! The Village is what we have come to term the community that Elanor and her female friends and fellow moms have formed, of love and support. And to see the effect on the children of the group... Pretty darn cool, man. Pretty darn cool. I look at them and I see the future. Sounds a bit cliched, but it's completely true. They give me chills, but in a good way. And I marvel at how far I've come in life already, and yet how much further I have to go. Only thing to do is enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Live it to the fullest and touch every bit of it! Of course, the stress sometimes gets to me. But I know that I'm not alone, and I have all these things to look forward to! Christmas is coming, and a time to rest. The end is nigh folks, and we're all gonna fry together. Or fight together, however you want to look at it!

And the boy, the boy... The boy has a large enough ego that certainly does not need anymore pandering to. Suffice to say, he dances. What's strange is, he's not so big on kisses. Little affectionate ones, yes... peppered kisses, yes... and there's nothing wrong with those! But the involved ones, the casual ones... all the literal lip-locking, not so much. Something to ponder on. Watching a relationship grow is the strangest thing. A very cool thing to watch, but strange all the same. Like a book but not like a book. Living a book, I suppose... But he's aware, too. Which makes me curious to know how he sees it. Maybe it's just the mesh starting, but I like meshing brains and getting into his head. Or getting his head into mine, I suppose. Because he's got a distinctness to him that means mine doesn't just overpower it.

As always, we shall see. But things are getting clearer and sometimes I can just watch the Universe unfold before me. It's unsettling in the best of ways. Everything always happens exactly as it should.

I guess I really am Indigo to the max, eh?

Lah.

Emotion.

If there's one thing that I understand, it's emotion. The immersiveness of them, the ups, downs, lows and pure feelings. Of course, sometimes I'm a little too close to them... Other peoples', especially. The mind is a powerful thing. It can convince people of anything, and once a person is convinced of something it's not difficult to manifest it into actual reality, especially when it is a personal reality.

This makes the topic of emotion a very slippery one. If you convince yourself that you have an emotion and thus cause yourself to feel it, is it still as valid as one that takes you by surprise? If you get so caught up in the thinking of things that you forget to stop thinking and experience, are your thoughts really worth it?

All things considered and all things that I've done, I've never REALLY bad tripped before. Little bad trips, I've suffered through alone. I think the overall lack of bad tripping is because I spend so much time worrying in my head when I'm sober that I do drugs to slow down the brain's overacting instead of speed it up. And bad tripping is an ultimate example of the brain's power and how it can affect your reality.

But let's get off of that for a moment, because I'm, as usual, limited for time. Let's go back to the validity of convincing oneself of an emotion. Like bad tripping, the emotion is no less valid for being contrived. Is thinking yourself into it really any different from those that fling themselves headlong into emotions? And what effect does being aware of it cause?

I've been feeling a downward spiral of my own into emotion for the past few weeks. It's a combination of thoughts and occasional spikes. And the fact that I know the downward spiral is being reciprocated means feeding into each other, as well. Part of me wants to say "No! Too fast! Back it up Sayata, you're just talking yourself into it!" But the truth is, I do understand emotion, and there is no problem with loving freely and openly. We turn it into such a big thing, almost to be feared. "No, I can't say that. No, I can't feel that. It must be wrong." But my honesty policy extends to myself, too. There's no reason why there has to be an only love that freezes out all others, and no reason why a love for a partner must exceed a love for a family member or close friend. And there's no reason why one aspect of love must make others, including previous ones, less valid.

But I do have to say... Why are you seeing fit to hit me in the face repeatedly with Love, Goddess? Not that I'm ungrateful. And I do try to put a lot out in the world, so maybe it's coming back to me, in which case thanks! But really... my poor heart feels like it's getting smacked around like a baseball and exploding with all these constant feelings. Thank God they're mostly good, but yesterday was painful! Very painful!

Lah.

Let's Talk Turkey.

Life?
A reaction to emptiness.
Time?
Continues for the Boogeyman.
Just give me one
Chance
To feature you in Sunshine.
And we could both
Dance
The aphid swarm away.

Hello, hello,
Losing motivation.
Losing concentration.
Losing ground.

Solo, solo,
Don't like moderation.
Starved for conversation.
Are you down?

Love?
A reaction to some soft skin.
What about...
Trust?
I've seen it here and there.
And give me some girls!
Be careful what you wish for.
So take me out!
Woo, honey let's go dancing!

Hello, hello,
Losing concentration.
Losing motivation.
Losing ground.

Solo, solo,
Don't like moderation.
Starved for conversation.
Are you down?

Don't stop wasting people's time...

Ima Robot, "Let's Talk Turkey."

Lah.

Love? A Reaction to Some Soft Skin.

Just a note, because I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now and so can't put in the time I'd like to on this entry.

But I guess I should be slapped, as previously requested. Heh. It seems like I and the other have graduated from simply casual friends with benefits to something slightly more serious but without name. Just basically going with the flow, for now. The feelings are there though, and based on entirely different things than the other other. And funnily enough the butterflies are different from the addictive ones. These feelings are almost as bad because they don't fade so quick. But that's a topic for another day. Suffice to say it with a smile! =)

Lah.

In Retrospect.

"Good Day" by the Dresden Dolls.

So you don't want to hear about my good song?
And you don't want to hear about how I am getting on.
With all the things that I can get done
The sun is in the sky & I am by my lonesome...
So you don't want to hear about my good day?
You have better things to do than to hear me say:

God, it's been a lovely day! Everything's been going my way.
I took out the trash today and I'm on fire...

So you don't want to hear about my good friends?
You don't have the guts to take the truth or consequence
Success is in the eye of the beholder
And its looking even better over your cold shoulder!

I'm not suggesting you get to line me up for questioning
But Jesus think about the bridges you are burning
And I'm betting
That even though you knew it from the start
You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart.

So go ahead and talk about your bad day...
I want all the details of the pain and misery
That you are inflicting on the others
I consider them my sisters and I want their numbers!

God it's been a lovely day! Everything's been going my way.
I took up croquet today and I'm on fire!

I picked up the pieces of my broken ego...
I have finally made my peace as far as you and me go.
But I'd love to have you up to see the place.
I'd like to do more than survive, I'd like to rub it in your face!

Hey! It's been a lovely day! Everything's been going my way.
I had so much fun today and I'm on fire!
God, it's been a lovely day! Everything's been going my way.
Ever since you went away, hey! I'm on fire...

So you don't want to hear about my good day?

Lah.

Doors Opening and Closing.

A quick timeline of my life since this blog was started:

February 2004: Decided to move to Van.
October 2004: Opened the Mists to the world.
November 2004: Finished Broken Wings!
October 2006: Started dating Kellin.
January 2007: Graduated high school.
June 2007 (ish): Kellin decided to move to Van.
Late 2007-June 2008: Cracked out period.
July 2008: Went to UK, cleaned up the act.
September 2008: Kellin and I moved to Van, I started Uni.
October 2008: Started working at Characters and met Elanor.
April 2009: Kellin started to fuck up big-time.
July 2009: Inga and Jeff decided to move to Van.
September 2009: Things fell apart entirely.

And now, back in October yet again... Five years later, three years after I met Kellin and a year after finally moving to Van... And it's over. We're done. Kaput, terminated. Not the move, but Kellin and I.

I just wanted to put things in perspective, considering how hard it is to perceive time in the mists. It's been over a little while, already... Long enough that I'm getting over it. The thoughts of all the shit he's done no longer make me want to cry, and the realizations of just how bad it got are starting to surface. Relationship without trust? I tried to build it, but they were right. All the books were right. Pft... Impossible.

And today is the one-week mark until he's gone for good, back to Calgary. Is that the right place for him to go? Will he be happy there, or will he fall back into the stagnant pool? Will all the things we did and learned fade into the past and become nothing but distant memories?

I don't know. And I don't care. Well, of course I care... But I'm not letting myself get involved in it any more. I've let him go and so I need to let go.

And now, no relationship for me for a while. Just lots of sex. Not with him, of course! But I'm going to build my support base of friends and allies up again before anything serious. It's time that I experienced living on my own for a while, and being responsible for nobody but myself. A new phaze in life and all of that. I intend to have some fun! Well, I'm already having fun. Halloween has been a mandatory party for a few years now, and I'm not letting that stop now.

And somehow, I've become popular! Not the silly high school definition of that crap... In fact, popular is the wrong word altogether. How about, 'desired'? This means people actually seem to like me (insert giggle here). And boys! I'm not sure what I want to do about them. I feel like I'm building them as allies, too. Lately it's been a certain boy. Who knows where we stand? Who cares? The sex is excellent (and I do mean excellent) and he's intelligent, strange, and funny. I had forgotten (or perhaps never known) what it was like to spend time with someone who can follow me when I delve into concepts (and not just pretend and nod vacantly) and even put forth such concepts of his own. My mind, thanks to these people and school, is once again agile and free to dance. I was so busy trying to prove that love could conquer all that I forgot to exercise the parts of my brain that need it.

And now, I'm still thinking Love conquers all. But I don't have the craving to be loved... After all, I am loved already! And there can be cuddles and sex and joy and laughter without the exclusion. I still know that I could love just about anybody. I think knowing that helps. I have to choose where to distribute that love, and not just pick and fixate. That doesn't mean I can't focus my considerable attention in other ways, though.

There are the tickles, too. Butterflies, whatever you want to call them. Maybe I'm addicted to them, but I don't think so. I do think they're fun, though... I'm going to enjoy them while they last. Watch the progression while it comes. I wouldn't mind trying out another boy or two, although by no means is this one disposable (or no more so than any of them). I have to make a decision on whether to follow up on another one who is a potential ally, potential lover. Who knew there were so many awesome people out there? Awesome people who are 'interested', shall we say? But I would like to be pursued for a little while. Which is why I'm debating following up (or not) on one Monsieur.

Just let this be a record! Honesty, faith, fun. If my next post has me dithering over how I've fallen in love at the exclusion of all others, then please slap me. I intend to love freely and openly, but also truly and not just because someone is paying attention to me. It's time to teach myself just how desirable I actually am. I've worked on Honesty and Self and now I'd like to let go of my addictions.

Lah.

Bask in the glow.

So here I am, my guests here at last. The boys, except for Jeff, are all out getting Christian's poor skin some relief at Safeway. So here I sit on the couch while Inga and Jeff are being all snuggly, just chilling and thinking.

First of all, I'm pretty tired. We spent something like four hours at the beach, and a lovely time indeed that it was! And I have so many feelings running through me, I can't avoid thinking on them and dwelling. Nothing negative, but a lot interesting. Very mixed feelings, in fact.

At this point, what I would love most to do is just dogpile all on top of each other and have as many of them touching me as possible, particularly (of course) Christian and Kai. I just love having them around. Of course, there is the mixedness, but the pleasure of their company is indubitable. I don't even necessarily want to do anything with them, just bask in the company. I wish I could have time to just lie with each and every one of them, even Jeff.

I just really hope Inga and Jeff end up coming here for good. I miss having family nearby. Family I can party with... Family that knows me very well. Family that I know very well.

But I am tired. Happy, but very tired. Actually dealing with them seems to be taxing my abilities. Hence wanting to just bask.

Lah.

Slacking Off.

Oh. My. God.

It has been ages since I've been to a show; I realize that. It's also rare that I go to a band that I love as much as I love the Slackers. But tonight... Well, let's just say it's also been a long time since I've had inspiration for a blog entry at two in the morning. But the Slackers did it tonight.

Ah, I'm glad to live in Vancouver.

But tonight was... special. Despite the fact that I arrived at quarter to nine at the nightclub, only to find out that the Slackers weren't actually coming on until 11:30... three intro bands, anyone? And of course, you know with three openers, the first one is gonna be absolutely crap.

Sure enough, it was a woman alone onstage with a guitar. Promising, you say? Except that it was out of the groove for the crowd, and she seemed far more concerned with expressing her own genius than with actually putting the true feeling into the music. It didn't help that--from what I could tell--she was singing about potatoes in one song and bestiality in another song. Her closing song, in fact. Now, is that really how you want people to remember you? Making love to a monkey?

Band number two was ska and excellent, but I was conserving my energy for the big one. After all, I worked 8 hours today... I was just hoping to stay awake until they got onstage, and at least dance a little. I dodged the awkwardness of being there alone by writing in my journal, which is a pastime that I also don't get to enjoy as often as I once did.

Guy number three was another dude on stage alone with his guitar, but he had soul. Still, it was a little too slow for the venue and my frame of mind.

And then... I made my way to a good place in the crowd, in the dance pit but not too close, in time to see the bass player in a white suit, complete with hat, fixing stuff up onstage. The rest of the band took long enough to come out that people were getting antsy, but then on they came and they wasted no time getting the groove on.

Let me tell you, there is no feeling like the horns vibrating at the base of your spine, your consciousness. The trumpet and the saxophone blew straight through me. That's the feeling that makes it so that you have no choice but to groove and dance.

Of course, everyone reacted in their own way. There are classic groups of reaction here: the die-hards at the very front, leaning against the barrier with their ears exploding, in front of the moshers ever. You might be surprised that there were moshers at a chill band like the Slackers, but there's always moshers. And especially like at a chill show like this, it was only a loose pit, with the violent ones that want any excuse to work out that anger. I've spent enough time theorising on the mentality of a mosh pit that I don't need to get into it now, but I definitely was not in a moshing groove. Hell, 'moshing groove' is an oxymoron... It's not a groove, it's a need. But not for me, not this time, and possibly not anymore, and especially not without steel toed boots. I was on the very edge of the pit, enough that I wasn't getting dragged in and tossed around, but close enough that once someone stepped full on my (sandalled) big toe with about twice my weight. Ow.

My annoyance spiked at this point. I looked around to see how other people were reacting to the band (after all, I came to love them on my own and had no idea how they were received by others), and to my surprise and delight there was a guy nearby, apparently alone, who was not only grooving on the exact same vibe I was, but was also singing every single word along with them--audibly--and WELL. Solidly built, attractive, with small plugs in his ears and a funky hat on.

-faints- Could this be love?

No, Kellin isn't out of the picture... but he wasn't there tonight due to lack of interest and brokeness... and let's face it... he can't dance... won't dance, most of the time... Just because he doesn't get into that same mental place that I do.

Soooo... I shamelessly seduced the guy.

Well, not quite like that. But I made sure to keep him near me out of the corner of my eye, so I could keep us grooving together. It was an interesting use of my power... Fun! I figured he was probably gay, and didn't have the guts to catch him eye to eye and comment on the overall amazingness of it all, or congratulate him on his own awesomeness. The guys he appeared to be with kind of bobbed slightly and occasionally and rythymlessly, drifting freely away from him and only showing their (apparent) connection by leaning over every once in a while and going 'amazing' or something similar in a total white-loser kind of way. Not that they necessarily were--after all, they were there and enjoying it, so booyah!--but I had eyes only for the rare specimen of Boy With Rhythym. Especially when I read his emotions and he seemed really nice... not that I'll ever know for sure, I guess.

But anyways.

After another near-miss with the semi-active pit (it would collapse for a while as everyone forgot about hurting each other and just danced), I managed to manoeuvre myself in front of him. Now I could keep him in my sights, with the added bonus of his large male form being between me and pain.

And then I just danced... and that was enough. Over the next two hours, we just continued to vibe together without even a word or look exchanged. I knew he had noticed me just as I had noticed him. Our bodies would brush: natural in such close quarters. I just ensured they brushed more... A shoulder, a hip... innocuous stuff.After all, dancing should involve touching wherever possible, right? And I was feeling lonely, but not confident enough to make myself obvious. By the end though, we'd worked up to me standing directly in front of him, and we were dancing with each other without actually dancing WITH each other. Well, maybe he was planning a bit. I just trusted the vibe. And we danced. And was that something I felt brushing my butt? Could it be true? He wasn't gay as I'd feared, if so.

By the encores, he was occasionally brushing my hip with his hand and I wasn't sure whether it was on purpose or by accident. It felt like he was nervous but interested. But hell. He'd have to be dead not to be interested, with all the subtle brushing, hinting, and power-focusing I was sending his way. When his hands finally found themselves on my hips during a slower song, I informed him that it was okay for them to be there by putting mine over his.

And it was nice, dancing. He wasn't gross or sending off creepy vibes. Every time they started up another song, I thanked God it wasn't over... partially because they were SO PHENOMENAL. But also because the moment was just so perfect. And I kept thinking about what we'd do when the lights came up, what I'd say. I wanted him to know that I don't do this all the time, that I picked HIM, not because I was horny or drunk but because he was different. I don't know. It was a weird feeling. Is. When the Slackers finally left for good, I still didn't know what to do, although I wasn't really nervous. I made a split second decision after the music had been over for a minute and he hadn't made a move and caught his eye--just barely for a moment--and then walked out and straight to the bus stop without looking back.

*sigh* Now I'm regretting that. I have no idea whether he got the whole thing the way I did. I wish I'd at least got his name, something, if only to know someone else with my taste in music, to have another friend. It was so weird, the way I just walked out... chickened out, I guess, but there was no fear in my mind; it was almost automatic. I guess I wished for a boy that could dance that night and I got him, but it was Cinderella-style: sorry-only-til-the-music's-over-honey. The attachment I formed, the like, the desire to know whether all the emotions and personality guesses that I formed were right... Kinda crazy considering, like I said, we never really said anything to each other. But there was an awareness--

And now I'll never know. Sigh. I guess maybe our paths might cross again... Who knows? But I might not recognize him, my visual memory being the crap that it is, and I suspect if I made no signs of recognition he wouldn't either, despite the fact that I know I'm memorable.

On another note, although I can't devote the time and care to another long entry about the Slackers themselves (it'll come eventually, but maybe not for another year when they come back, haha), I've noticed that there's two types of Skafreak, band members and fans alike. There's the kind of broody-looking one that often has facial hair, often dark. And then there's the barefaced happy guy who has the kind of cheeks that either come from or just are perfect for blowing an insane amount of air through a trumpet or other horn instrument.

That crooning Bronx accent that I like so much is the brooder-looking guy, Vic. And he's cute! I always thought it was an unwritten rule that good Ska bands need to be full of old guys with young voices, but apparently he's the exception!

Thought I'd mention those things. Oh, and I should also mention that I probably partially enjoyed this show so much because I wasn't STINKING WASTED. Note to self.

Lah.

Let's Go Get Stoned.

I swear sometimes you're taking me for granted;
I swear sometimes you're a whore.
I swear but I know there ain't no reason.
'Cause everything is such a bore...

Last night I had a dream, though it made me sick:
Saw you in your bedroom, sucking someone else's--
My friends all laughed, said it was my fault...
'Said it's time that it happened to me.
But I know that the show was much more than a blow,
So I'm waiting for the tide to get low.

If I was an ant crawling upon the wall,
Tell me baby would it make any difference at all?
If I was a roach on a tree, tell me, would you smoke me?
Bright lights... put me in a trance...
But it ain't house music, makes me want to dance.
I don't gamble but I bet,
I'm gonna die if I don't get a cigarette.
Hold me close, I always play the mack
with this monkey on my back.

Sublime.

Lah.

Classes and Fog.

Voice: It's about time. I've been waiting forever, trying to get your attention.

Weaver: I know it's been a while, but you said that you were always here when I needed you, and I haven't needed you for a while now.

Voice: I take offense to that. I'm your friend too, you know. Not just your confidante.

Weaver: I know. I said I'm sorry.

Voice: Apology accepted.

Weaver: You certainly succeeded in getting my attention though, I have to say. All this mist is a beautiful thing.

Voice: The mist was Vancouver. I just helped you see me in it.

Weaver: Aside from the fact that I can't see you at all... How could I not? I've been heading towards this my entire life. I wonder if that's what all this obsession with mist all these years has been about. People look around outside and shrug, continuing on their normal paths. Some are too oblivious to even really notice the splendor in it. Some have lived with it forever and are jaded, and still others simply look around at the inaction of everybody else and mimic it, ruthlessly subduing their natural inclination to stop and admire it.

Voice: But such will always be people.

Weaver: The other day on the bus, watching them sluggishly refuse to move to the back and make room, I could help but think that they're all useless sheep.

Voice: All of them? Really?

Weaver: Pretty much. I don't want to have contempt for the human race in general, but sometimes...

Voice: Look below the surface skin and see the individual talents. Everyone has a purpose. Everyone has a role to play.

Weaver: I suppose.

Voice: Is this really why you came back to see me?

Weaver: To be honest, I'm not sure why I came back to see you. Just lonely, I guess. So much has changed so fast. And yet not fast at all. I've been preparing for this my whole life.

Voice: Preparing to move out and go to University?

Weaver: Not quite... Although I've been preparing to move out for some time. But it feels like my entire life has been training and finally I've moved into the last legs: practical application of knowledge.

Voice: What is University, if not practical?

Weaver: It's showing me the other side so that I can reject it. It's showing me that I'm capable of pursuing, but not meant to live in, this academic world.

Voice: Are you enjoying these lessons?

Weaver: Very much so, in some ways. And I love Vancouver so much, I feel so much like I belong here, and despite the occasional sheeplike quality that the masses have, I like the population here in general. Kellin loves it too, and it's good for him.... And I love him.

Voice: Then what's the problem?

Weaver: The problem is that I only have him. I would love some friends... Well, that's not true. I don't want friends... I want more family. I'm finding it harder and harder to translate from offhand banter to close friendship. I don't want to have to deal with people in order to get to the close friend stage.

Voice: Nothing worth having comes free. Suck it up or stop bitching.

Weaver: Okay, let me rephrase that... I haven't really met anyone that I want to make that effort for. Or anyone who seems to want to make that effort for me. And the few possibilities that I've had... it just didn't happen. There was no mesh.

Voice: Well, the way I see it, there are two possibilities... The first is that one of you didn't try hard enough, or you didn't open up and let them in. The other is that it just wasn't there, and no matter how hard either of you try, if it's just not there then it's just not there.

Weaver: Which do you think it is?

Voice: I think you answered your own question before, when you said there was no mesh. Sometimes one will form by chance or time, but if it doesn't... what can you really do?

Weaver: That's what I was asking you.

Voice: You can continue to try, and put it out there. How much you work at it is up to you. The more you do, the more chance you have of stumbling upon it, but also the more energy you'll use up in the process.

Weaver: A fair trade, I suppose.

Voice (beginning to fade): Was that all?

Weaver: Not quite. I just want to talk a little. Possibly at you, if not with you.

Voice: There's no time here. Speak all you want.

Weaver: It's getting faster. The spiral is getting smaller.

Voice: Downward spirals always get smaller at the bottom. It's their nature.

Weaver: It's getting smaller, and all of us here who are drifting along it are spinning quicker. It's driving people insane.

Voice: There's always a balance.

Weaver: Yes, some people are rising to the occasion. It seems like everyone is drifting to either one side or another... the grey area is shrinking too. It's not long now until we hit the bottom.

Voice: Where are you going with this?

Weaver: I don't know. Just feel the need to comment on it every once in a while. I look around at the papers and everything turned on it's ear. When I first heard the Olympics were coming to Vancouver I was so excited. They came to Montreal a decade or more before I was born and they came to Calgary only a few years before. I thought that they were finally catching up to me in Van.

Voice: My guess that the spinning of the spiral changed something.

Weaver: Yes, of course. It changes everything. All of a sudden I question the Olympics themselves. What are they? A chance for athletes to prove their skills, certainly. But there are separate events that mean as much or more to the individual sports.

Voice: They don't have it all together in one place.

Weaver: But who cares if they're together in one place? I'll tell you who... the media. The advertising people, and therefore the entire population. And that's what's making them cling so tenuously to an event that has no purpose other than to help enslave the masses.

Voice: That's a strong term.

Weaver: You haven't read the papers. The economy's going down the shithole, whether from actual recession or just public paranoia, and the city is spending more and more and more every week on underbudgeted costs for the Olympics. They're asking to 'temporarily' suspend the public's right to vote on whether or not they can take more money to fill these extra costs. Because there was some sort of kerfuffle over who got to vote for Vancouver to have the Olympics in the first place, this issue is dividing the province somewhat.

Voice: And people are standing for this?

Weaver: People are divided. That's a problem. It makes me wonder whether it will be these Olympics that break Vancouver.

Voice: It makes sense.

Weaver: Let's look at Van. BC is years ahead of other provinces for being Green, and the people are mostly tuned in. People are prepared (generally) for what's to come. The climate's changing, but not radically.

Voice: Then how did this Olympic thing come into being?

Weaver: Tuned in doesn't mean there aren't capitalist pigs, useless sheep, and all the other little bits and pieces that make up society. And all of the Olympic building is based on projected income that the Games will generate. But what if the Games don't generate it? What if in the end the Games only do exactly what they look like they're doing now: choke the city to death? The games are in 2010... That's long enough to really get themselves even more fucked into a hole than they are. But the worst effects usually aren't felt right away. What if they just hide the symptoms and it festers, getting worse until in 2012 shit just... collapses? Or something similar?

Voice: It could happen.

Weaver: I'm afraid it will happen. I know I'm supposed to be here for a reason, and not just because here is where I fit. It needs me as much as I need it.

Voice: I guess we'll see.

Weaver: I guess we will... I've got to go now.

Voice: I know. You said what you needed to.

Weaver: I'll be back.

Voice: I know. You'll be back when you need to be. I'll be here.

Weaver: I'm sorry it's been so long.

Voice: Waiting isn't so bad as all of that. There's no time here, and I watch.

Weaver: I love you.

Voice (fading): I love you too.

Lah.